I debated about whether or not I should post, but then I saw the tikkun olam tag, and, well.
Last year at Yom Kuppur, my rabbi passed out cards and asked us to anonymously write down something for which we wanted to forgive ourselves. Mine was "for allowing my identity to be subsumed by the needs of others."
The past year has been an intensely challenging one. I've survived it, and more importantly, I'm learning to thrive. But I never expected to be where I am today.
When I was in my teens, I felt intensely pulled to do SOMETHING with music for the rest of my life. I debated applying to Juliard or Berkeley, and I probably could've gotten in. But it didn't feel right. I ended up wandering aimlessly instead.
Yesterday I finally figured out what I was supposed to have done with music in my life... but that clarity came 15 years and a young child too late for me to be able to answer the call to the cantorate.
I don't begrudge having ended up where I am. I like who I am and I love the people who are in my life because I didn't know how to get onto the path I was supposed to take. But I'm still being summoned, and I have no idea how to go about answering that call now.
If the oracles of randomness say that this pendant should come to me, I promise to listen to what it tells me about making music and healing the world, and I likewise promise to pass it along to someone else once I've figured out where I'm going.
Kythryne at gmail is the best way to reach me.
Mazel tov on your story! I have bookmarked it to read later.
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Last year at Yom Kuppur, my rabbi passed out cards and asked us to anonymously write down something for which we wanted to forgive ourselves. Mine was "for allowing my identity to be subsumed by the needs of others."
The past year has been an intensely challenging one. I've survived it, and more importantly, I'm learning to thrive. But I never expected to be where I am today.
When I was in my teens, I felt intensely pulled to do SOMETHING with music for the rest of my life. I debated applying to Juliard or Berkeley, and I probably could've gotten in. But it didn't feel right. I ended up wandering aimlessly instead.
Yesterday I finally figured out what I was supposed to have done with music in my life... but that clarity came 15 years and a young child too late for me to be able to answer the call to the cantorate.
I don't begrudge having ended up where I am. I like who I am and I love the people who are in my life because I didn't know how to get onto the path I was supposed to take. But I'm still being summoned, and I have no idea how to go about answering that call now.
If the oracles of randomness say that this pendant should come to me, I promise to listen to what it tells me about making music and healing the world, and I likewise promise to pass it along to someone else once I've figured out where I'm going.
Kythryne at gmail is the best way to reach me.
Mazel tov on your story! I have bookmarked it to read later.