ashnistrike: (Default)
ashnistrike ([personal profile] ashnistrike) wrote2011-04-29 08:05 pm

Star Trek Reboot

I had to watch the new Star Trek movie for work today--yes, I actually do consider this a "had to," as I'd been deliberately avoiding it.  Mobius is putting together a workshop on science in the movies, using a scene from this one, and I needed some context before critiquing the entirely superfluous giant planet-core-drilling-laser.

For my own amusement, I took notes:

Ships have more rivets now—The Kelvin looks like it’s been knocking around for a while.

Space has 3 dimensions. I approve.

What kind of medical read-out says "Terminated!!!" when a guy dies?

Metal bars can catch on fire? (Later: S says yes. Tungsten is useful for many purposes, but flammable.)(But she says, it is not a good choice for anything that might get shot at.)

That phone is out of date. (Later: [livejournal.com profile] saganth says it's one of the old communicators.  I know.  And it also looks like a 1995 cell phone.  Here begin the hints that the 23rd century is just not that high-tech.)

Wait, Kirk’s wife? (Oh, George Kirk.  James Tiberius born under interesting, if medically unlikely circumstances).

How can someone possibly avoid knowing their kid’s gender before birth, in the 23rd century?

How can there not be decent pain control for childbirth in the 23rd century? (Here continue the hints.)

We’ve secretly replaced James Kirk with Anakin Skywalker—let’s see if anyone notices.

I like Vulcan school design.

I like, “Emotions run deep within our race.”  I like this version of Sarek in general.

And I like new grown up Spock.

I guess the Star Trek universe is still just as full of bar brawls as ever.

“Your father was Captain of a Starship for 12 minutes.  He saved 800 lives.” (Quotes are the ones I liked, not ones I was making fun of.)

Is Kirk’s mom ever going to show up again after she gives birth to him? (Later answer: no.)

Starfleet shipyard on the ground?

That’s McCoy? He got past the psych tests how?

They couldn’t dump the miniskirts?

Or the sexism?

This is a stupid way to pass the Kobayashi Maru. (And the rest of Starfleet apparently agrees.) (Later: I know it's canon. This just seems awfully blatant--did he think no one would notice?  It doesn't even have the style of the version in the novel.)

Oh for pity’s sake.

So Uhura gets her position through feminine wiles?  And Kirk through cheating. Not cute.

Okay, I kind of like these new versions of the old uniforms.

And once more, 3-d space! I still approve

Un-numbered warp. And I like the effects.

So now Sulu is dumb too? (Later: No, just nervous)

And still making fun of Chekov’s accent. No one else has one, even though they’re drawn from all over the planet.

Jim?  Talk to the Captain?  Okay, good.

Okay, drilling into the core of a planet.  Can look up how much power that would take. (This is the scene we're presenting on.)

Steering around debris.  Again, 3d, good.

Crappy shields.

High energy pulse device inserted into the atmosphere is blocking transporters.

They load photon torpedoes by hand?

Inserting some sort of red dot into a large machine.

Jumping onto machine to try and disable it.

Okay, everyone is actually getting more likeable as they start to work together.

Appear to be wearing atmospheric rebreathers. Or something. (Later--no, just suits for jump.)

Fast drop given that they weren’t given an obvious vector.  Wouldn’t some sort of rocket or thruster for steering be good?

No reentry friction. Oops.

Appears to be a carbon nanotube structure with a lot of barbed wire.

Decent looking shutes.  Get reabsorbed.

That high up, atmosphere should still be too thin to breathe.

Not the brightest place to brawl.

Random gouts of flame do what?  This is bad design.

Wait, Sulu is a fencer, or a ninja?  This is stupid.

Machine guns what?

Turned off drill successfully.

Ah “red matter.”  Unobtainium.

A singularity will consume the planet.

Okay, further skydive.  Good work on changing relative speeds by diving and stretching out.

Trouble locking on to signal—moving too fast. 

Planet already breaking up.

But they would still be moving just as fast when they hit the pad as when they were falling towards the ground. (Later: [livejournal.com profile] saganth and S both point out that transporting to orbit wouldn't work anyway without inertial dampers.  Okay.)

Teleportation—weird ribbon effect.

Is it safe for individuals to be that close to a black hole? If the planet is already breaking up, will flesh do okay?  I do not think so. [livejournal.com profile] saganth: “If rock is squishy, then you’re squishy too.”

More melodramatic parental deaths.

Teleport is tricky when locking onto moving target.

Okay, I’m going to have nightmares about that.

“I am now a member of an endangered species.”  I like the way Spock can underplay.

A lot.  “I need everyone to continue performing admirably.”

Let me monologue!  I will destroy all your planets!  And I am Khaaaaan!

Oh I love this version of Spock so much.

Thank you for not putting up with new Kirk, who is a putz.

Don’t leave people on a planet in a solar system that’s just had its orbital dynamics fucked up and a new black hole added in.  That was remarkably illogical.  And irresponsible, because apparently he’s all alone on an ice planet with few survival supplies.  Death sentence for insubordination?  Why, yes.  Which everyone goes along with without blinking. That’s some pretty heavy plot force at work.

Okay, future Spock? I kind of like future Spock too.

The exploding star would destroy the galaxy?  I suppose it’s explained by the fact that this is a really small galaxy.

Red matter to absorb the exploding star, but the supernova unexpectedly destroys the planet first?  What?

[livejournal.com profile] saganth points out, why not put the singularity in the star “before it goes boom”?  That would work better.

My, those planets are close together.  And that’s a remarkably local-effect singularity.

I still love new Spock. “If it will improve crew morale for me to roam the halls weeping, I will defer to your medical expertise.”

Oh, Scotty has an accent too.

And now he’s going to beam back to the ship.

Oh, Spock is pulling a Star Trek IV with Scotty. What goes around comes around.

Okay, in order to take command, not only would he have to get Spock removed, but convince everyone else he's fit for it.

Teleported into an underwater hamster tube.  Oh for fuck’s sake.

This episode WAS BADLY WRITTEN.

Cupcake?

This is going to make Spock look emotionally compromised?

I’m sure this is supposed to be moving, but it’s just pissing me off.  And it certainly makes Kirk appear compromised. If they put him in charge now, I’m going to be deeply ticked off.

And again plot force—that was remarkably easy.

I’m deeply ticked off.  Pike may have made him first officer, but if the first officer provokes the Captain to having to resign so he can get the chair, I think that is… I can’t even think of a word.

Still like new Sarek too.

Wait, they could tell from the way Nero was pointed at Vulcan where in Earth's solar system he was going?

I almost believe that Kirk and Spock are about to kiss… no.

Making out with Uhura on the transporter pad is not on. It makes Kirk jealous.

Also, they are already drilling into the Earth; don’t pause for dramatic goodbyes.

Oh, look, a phaser battle. Surrounded by sensitive equipment, that should take care of the problem all by itself.

That giant laser ought to cause high winds and other strange weather patterns. 
Spock is smart.  Hopefully “He must never know” doesn’t mean “He must never make a really good educated guess.”

Ah, that was a dumb place to teleport to.  But Nero is screwed, because his ship has inexplicable platforms over huge chasms in the middle of it.  With no railings.

For a ship designed by the Vulcan Science Academy, that’s very well-armed.

Careful where you drop that carbon nanotube tower. Man, the Golden Gate Bridge does take a beating in any continuity.

Spooooock!  Spoooock!

“If you ignite the red matter…!”  If that’s a problem, you probably shouldn’t carry it on a ship—they’re made of flammable metal.

Hanging off cliffs—what Kirk does best.

It’s very convenient for Nero that none of his crew members have names or ever question his crazy self-destructive orders.  (Later: In fact, I have the distinct impression that J. J. Abrams believes that no one besides Kirk is physiologically capable of insubordination or questioning dubious orders.)

Please don’t ignite a singularity in earth orbit.  That’s a bad, bad idea.  Or is the red matter just flammable? (Later: [livejournal.com profile] saganth says they'd already warped out of Earth orbit.  I missed in in all the excitement.)

No, ignited red matter makes a singularity.

“That’s logic, Spock.  I thought you’d like it.” “No, not this time.”

 Isn’t shooting at a ship with a singularity in it redundant? 

No worries about whether you can get peace with Romulus—just offer to help them evacuate now rather than when their planet is about to be destroyed.

Yeah, that’s the problem with having your ship right next to a f***ing black hole.  

[livejournal.com profile] saganth points out that the same singularity cannot be both a wormhole and a black hole.


Is Scotty the only person in engineering?

That solution seems like it would put a great deal of stress on an already compromised ship structure.

I thought—ah, it's not that the universe would be destroyed.  Just that older Spock was manipulating them to be friends.  I kind of love older Spock.

“Fortunately, you can be in two places at once.  I have already located a suitable planet for a Vulcan colony.”

And Pike has a less advanced wheelchair than he did in old continuity.  So no tech to improve childbirth, and nothing to better compensate for disabilities.

And Kirk gets his command in about a month instead of a couple of years.

How does one start a mission without yet having picked a first officer?  Do they think it’s like being a maid of honor?

“Her ongoing mission.” Okay, that makes me smile in spite of everything.  And now we get the good music too.

Fridge Logic: Also, why do you need to put a singularity at the core of a planet to destroy it?  Wouldn’t the surface do just as well?

 




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